Overcoming Fear of Change

Overcoming Fear of Change

Have you ever felt trapped in a situation or place, longing for something new and different? It could be a dead-end job, a toxic relationship, or simply the monotony of everyday life that leaves you feeling unfulfilled and yearning for change. 

Change can be scary and intimidating, especially when it involves stepping out of our comfort zone and into the unknown. We’re creatures of habit and naturally resist change, even if it means sacrificing our happiness and well-being in the long run. We often choose to stick with the devil we know rather than take a leap of faith into something new and uncertain. But what if we could learn to embrace change and see it as an opportunity for growth and fulfilment? 

The fear of change is a psychological phenomenon characterised by a reluctance or aversion to change. It’s a normal human response to new or unfamiliar situations and can manifest in various ways, such as anxiety, worry, or resistance. Fear of change is often associated with a desire to maintain the status quo or to avoid potential risks or losses.

Many life-changing events can be overwhelming to manage, such as: 

• Retirement

• Moving house 

• Changing jobs

• Going to university

• Separation or divorce

• Surviving an accident

• Deciding to start a family 

• Experiencing a major illness

• Making big financial decisions

To improve the way, we respond to and manage change, it’s helpful to understand why we feel this apprehension towards it.

Trauma and emotional wounding

If your younger self has been through situations where you experienced emotional distress without resolution, then this part of you becomes frozen and trapped in the body. Because it was a painful situation, you’ve found a way to bury this part of you and in doing so, you’ve masked how you really feel. Over the years, this may have happened many times and the cumulation of collective pain creates an energy form known as a Pain Body (Eckhart Tolle) consisting of old negative emotions. 

Your Pain Body is in a perpetual state of vigilance. It skews your perception of situations because you look for what can go wrong rather than what could go well. This cognitive distortion leads to catastrophising, which triggers further fear and anxiety. 

Neural pathways

Have you noticed that you tend to think the same thoughts regularly?

This is not a coincidence but a result of the malleability of your brain. Your brain has the remarkable ability to change and adapt, a concept known as neuroplasticity. It means that your brain can form new neural connections and reorganise existing ones in response to your experiences, thoughts, and emotions. The more you think a certain way, the stronger the neural pathways associated with those thoughts become, making it easier and more automatic to think that way in the future. This can be both a positive and a negative thing, as it means that your brain can be rewired to think more positively, but it can also get stuck in negative thought patterns that are difficult to break.

If you’ve been raised in an environment where your parents or caregivers were overly cautious and liked routine, you are likely to have formed neural pathways that align with caution, even anxiety around change. 

According to experts in the field of developing new habits, it takes an average of 66 days to reform neural circuits that change behaviour.

Aversion to loss

The fear of loss is another source of fear of change. You may become resistant to change when you lose something important to you, such as a job, relationship, or even a way of life—fighting against the change can lead to feelings of anxiety and distress. 

That fear, whether real or imagined, causes you to worry that you will not be able to cope or will never be able to replace what you have lost. This leads to you holding on to the past, clinging to what you know, even if it is not serving you well, rather than taking a risk on something new. 

In psychology, loss aversion describes a phenomenon where an individual’s fear of loss is twice as powerful as the pleasure, they might gain from changing. This explains why people don’t cancel their memberships immediately after they stop going to the gym; they fear missing out – FOMO! Or why people may find themselves stuck in a toxic relationship yet believe that being in a relationship is better than being alone. 

High-stress levels

When stressed, it’s much harder to be open-minded or think through new possibilities with a balanced perspective. Our brains are hard-wired to look for danger to help us survive, and if you’re already stressed, this is heightened. That’s why you should avoid making big decisions when angry or stressed! 

Imagine two balls, one made of concrete and the other of foam. If you drop the concrete ball, it smashes. The foam ball can experience being crushed by an articulated truck and quickly bounces back to its original foam. 

When we feel stressed, our amygdala, a cluster of almond-shaped cells responsible for emotional regulation, is hijacked- causing a tightening in the body’s musculature that becomes hardened over time. This restricts your agility and flexibility, eroding your confidence and keeping you stuck in fear.  

8 Tips to overcome fear of change:

• Acknowledge how you feel; your emotions are valid and trying to protect you. Recognise that your fear/anxiety is a natural part of being human. Imagine asking your anxiety what message it wants you to hear, then notice what response comes up within you.

• Practise regular breathwork to soften your body’s musculature and soothe your autonomic nervous system. You’ll find change easier to handle when you feel calm and grounded.

• Practise changing your daily habits. Get out of bed on a different side. Clean your teeth with your non-dominant hand. Watch a television programme you wouldn’t usually watch. Change the route of your regular walk. 

• Listen to confidence-boosting affirmations while walking. The combination of movement linked to affirmations starts to reform neural circuits that make it easier to think more positively.

• Look at yourself in the mirror and ask your reflection, “How can I support you today?” This encourages you to become more accepting and supportive of yourself. It also sets your intention for the day that acts like a compass, guiding your focus.

• Plunge your hands into a bowl/sink of ice water for 2 minutes and notice how this gives you a sense of energy and greater clarity. As you wait for the 2 minutes to elapse, see what emotions you feel and acknowledge them. Notice that they are continually changing in intensity. Everything passes eventually. 

• Visualise yourself making changes easily and successfully. Make your picture vivid and colourful, then imagine watching this as a movie on a big screen. What would you call this movie?

• Make a list of negative consequences that will happen if you don’t make your desired change. The most powerful form of motivation is based on a compelling need to avoid painful situations. If your situation is not bad, visualise how it will deteriorate in 5 years and 10 years.

I hope that these techniques help you to feel more at ease with the changes in your life. Introducing some of them into your daily routine will give you clarity and a sense of inner peace.